Way easier to say or write than to do!

If you are reading this, you are probably on the path to becoming your best version, and your social media feed is filled with higher consciousness quotes, we-are-all-one principles, and let’s love each other encouragements.

The chances that an image similar to the one above has shown up in one of your scrolling sessions are pretty high, and of course, you Like it. I know because I have done it myself hundreds of times. However, life has challenged me to a point at which I can say, with absolute certainty, that being kind to unkind people is tough and demanding.

Today, it took me a good chunk of time to stop hating a very unkind, and from my perspective back then, dark and evil human being who decided to damage my possessions just because he/she could.

I know I am making a bold statement here—some judgment, perhaps. However, the context of the situation didn’t leave much space to consider an accident. Someone scratched my car with potentially a key or some sort of pointy utensil, leaving a 2-meter-long single-line dent across the driver’s side; deep enough to expose the metal in the middle of our usual -30 °C winter!

Round one

When I saw it, despise flooded my entire being. I felt betrayed, abused, hurt, and confused. I was so upset that I couldn’t even talk! I cursed in a shallow voice and got inside my car, overwhelmed by how mean humans, we, could be.

I am not going to sugarcoat my reaction to you. I wished him/her so many bad things—I took it back, but still. However, at the same time that this fire inside me was burning and threatening to consume me down to ashes, I was forcing myself to be grateful for what I had. Needless to say, an absolutely unsustainable situation.

After several minutes of being immersed in a heated battle, in which my “best version” was trying to fight back the hostility and disgust this human had triggered in me, I decided that I would not allow this situation to push me out of my self-mastery path. I would consciously remove my attention from what had happened and allow myself to let it go.

Nice try!

The initiative lasted about two minutes because I was so upset that everything I was doing was making me feel annoyed. In short, I was a mess, but no one was seeing it!

How it really goes

I was containing so many emotions that I could feel I was filling up to the point of explosion. I was no longer feeling just upset. I was sad, I was in pain, and it was deteriorating me.

With the excuse of “needing” to stay calm and keep my vibration high, I was prioritizing the outside and how others perceived me. I couldn’t love this person who released my she-dragon within, but I wasn’t loving that wild emotional side of me either — that realization was the golden nugget.

Subsequently, I raised my voice, cursed again, sobbed, and expressed my frustration intensively. I spent the next 10 minutes pushing the anger out of me by expressing it to my loved ones in a safe space. Not by blaming them, but by being vulnerable and showing the world I am not in zen mode all the time, and as an earthling, unkind people piss me off!!!

Love

Allowing myself to feel the darkest, unfocus me from the unkindness and showed me that the other one had to be submerged in pain, hurt, and unease to do something like that. It was only after letting go of my fury that I unconsciously opened space for something else.

A few minutes later, still on the phone with my dad, I found myself mentioning the other wonders I had on a physical level and the abundance of blessings I was living and surrounded by. This time, I wasn’t forcing myself; in fact, it was a natural flow of feelings coming up after releasing the anger and discomfort.

Do I love the one who did this? I wouldn’t dare to say that. But I do feel sorry for him/her. I am aware that my life at the moment of writing this is terrific and that theirs might not be. I think I developed compassion, which is love’s sticking substance.

Loving the ones who inflict us with pain is not automatic. At least not for us, imperfect humans, but it’s possible when we decide to love ourselves first.

My self-love invited me to release the emotions I was hiding, allowed me to expose my imperfections, and helped me accept the whole package of feelings that make me. Plus, it inspired me to appreciate what I had instead of fixating on what was lost.

Without the falling in love with me all over again phase, I wouldn’t have been able to see the good that I know resides in each one of us, even inside the ones who intentionally damage your car.

As another quote you might have already read on your feed says, “You cannot give what you don’t have.” You cannot give love when you are filled with disdain. So, love the imperfect you that blossoms when unkindness hits you. Accept it and be thankful for that side of you. That self-love action alone is what will give you the perspective you need to accept the imperfection and unkindness of others. Love will follow.